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Yadan Ouyang

不要姿态,要装纯.
häpna  
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May 20

Harper Pitt aka Mormon Wife

 
I dreamed we were there. The plane leapt the tropopause, the safe air, and attained the outer rim, the ozone, which was ragged and torn, patches of it threadbare as old cheesecloth, and that was frightening. But I saw something that only I could see, because of my astonishing ability to see such things: Souls were rising, from the earth far below, souls of the dead, of people who had perished, from famine, from war, from the plague, and they floated up, like skydivers in reverse, limbs all akimbo, wheeling and spinning. And the souls of these departed joined hands, clasped ankles, and formed a web, a great net of souls, and the souls were three-atom oxygen molecules, of the stuff of ozone, and the outer rim absorbed them, and was repaired. Nothing's lost forever. In this world, there's a kind of painful progress. Longing for what we've left behind, and dreaming ahead. At least I think that's so.

So when we think we've escaped the unbearable ordinariness and, well, untruthfulness of our lives it's really only the same old ordinariness and falseness rearranged into the appearance of novelty and truth. Nothing unknown is knowable.
 
 
Angels in America by Tony Kushner
February 04

when the wheels ceased to spin...

.

haven't slept for more than 36 hours and i still feel like shit.

or should i say, feellikeshit again.

.

.

"hey Jack it's me, i don't mean to bother you but something's been on my mind. at the end of this road that climbs the horizon will be reached in a matter of miles. and when the wheels cease to spin the walls and the fences will grow higher than redwood trees. and i know your demise. and i fear what will happen when the road fails to flow under me. oh Jack you see, i felt like your mirror with the wind whipping through my hair. when the wheels ceased to spin and i cased my surroundings, i realized i hadn't gone anywhere. when the problems i'd left with couches in alleys, where no one would ever claim. and the hardest part was sifting through the pieces of the rain soaked and rotten remains when i got home."

.

October 02

abc

 
yes, i know i'm a sheltered nobody
and i need to get out of my comfort zone.
 
September 26

german green

 
the day is a german green with a dash of stupid blue
you knew where I'd be and I had to look at you
a day just as young as a brighton mother
your telephone rang but you didn't bother
after short years, I've stopped coming about
I've scooped your fears and NYCed you out
you didn't not know but still you burst
don't let your love go to benson hearst
don't worry I'm as cool as spanish whiskey ice
I'm going to liverpool to live another life
everytime between leeds and sheffield
I count my deeds, and the dead killed
July 25

译 #1


文章选译自E.M.Cioran的英译本On the Heights of Despair(《在绝望之巅》)。
芝加哥大学出版社,1992年。  

《没有解答的世界》

作者:E.M.Cioran(齐奥兰/萧沆)
译:gris-gris

     除了死亡,这世间唯一的必然之物以外,究竟还有什么是无庸置疑的?质疑,却仍要继续生活——这是一个悖论,尽管无法称之为不幸,因为质疑不如绝望那么强烈、那么势不可挡。在绝望中,人需要全身心的倾注,而对于更加普遍的抽象疑问,人只是部分地参与其中。甚至连那类最基本、最严肃的疑问,也从未达到绝望的强度。与绝望相比,怀疑论在某种程度上则显得业余和浅薄。我可以质疑万物,也可以轻蔑的嘲笑这个世界,但这并不会妨碍我的饮食、睡眠,以及婚姻。人若想探测绝望的深度,就必须竭尽全力的体验绝望,除此以外别无它法。在绝望的顶峰,人无权安心睡眠。因而一个真正绝望的人不可能忘却他自己的悲剧:不断的意识到个人磨难中的痛苦现状。质疑是一种对问题与事物的焦虑,它根源于一切重要问题的无解性。如果这些问题能够被解答,那么怀疑论者将会回归至更加正常的状态。在这一点上,绝望者的状态则完全不同:若所有问题都解决了,他的焦虑也丝毫未减,因为这种焦虑产生于他自己的主观实在。在绝望的状态中,焦虑与不安内在于实在。绝望的人不会受到问题的折磨,而是忍受他内在的痛苦与磨难。虽然世上无解的事实令人惋惜,然而却从未出现过为此自尽的人,并且将来也不会出现。理智的焦虑如此有力的控制着生存的焦虑!正因如此,我更愿意过一种被内心痛苦耗尽、被命运折磨的激烈生活。而知识分子不过是纠缠于一些决不会取代主体性本质的抽象概念。我鄙视那种没有风险、缺乏疯癫与激情的抽象思考。生活多么丰腴,思考多么激烈!热情滋养了它,就如同鲜血注入心间。我们可以饶有兴致的观察这一戏剧性转变的过程:有些人起初专注于那些毫无人情味的抽象问题,达到了一种忘我的客观,然而一旦他们体验了疾病与痛苦,便开始审慎思考自我的主体性与存在主义问题。积极与客观的人则没有足够的智力来对他们自身的命运提出有意义的疑问。人必须沿着内心地狱的全部轨道走下去,从而使自己的命运成为普遍的主体性问题。若你并没有因此被烧成灰烬,你将能够进行充满热情的哲学式思考。只有当你甚至不屑于蔑视这个无解的世界时,你才最终达到了个人存在的高级形式。之所以如此,并不是因为你拥有任何特殊的价值或者卓越的才能,而是因为除却自我的痛苦之外,没什么能再吸引你。